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Lorie_Ann
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Name: Lorie
Location: Holland, Michigan, United States
Birthday: 12/9/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: i enjoy many things, i shall now list a few. boys <3, hanging out with my friends, chocolate, shopping, target, 88* slushes, jr. bacon cheeseburgers, fall, leg warmers, rain, swimming late at night, shopping with money that isnt mine, taking walks downhill, swimming in oceans, lakes, and pools, movies: dirty dancing: havana nights, the notebook, wedding crashers. listening to music, sequins, cutting holes in jeans, hobby lobby, sunsets, long walks on the beach, eating ice cream (superman and cake batter)...gold shoes, watching movies in the theatre, looking through magazines, talking on my cell phone, eating cookie dough and cheesecake andYOU
Expertise: i have many areas of expertise.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
MSN: little_miss_piggy29
Member Since:
1/19/2005
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| April!
So, I have this thing. It's called group envy and I also have this thing called the inability to be alone.
I have found that I rarely want to be by myself and I never really take the time to just be by myself and do things for me. I also just want to be home, like with my family, all the time lately. I wonder if that is because I am starting to get nervous about graduating in 13 months.
13 months. That's it. And then school is done. AHH!
Also, I am really bad at sharing feelings, I have started to learn to tell how I feel. I always thought that I wanted a relationship out of Hope College, but it is really a lot harder than I thought.
Why can't relationships just be like songs? Like country music and what Keith Urban sings about. Or Sweet Home Alabama. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but they get hard sometimes, wanting to be together and not having a lot of time.
I want a core group of friends, the ones that I do stuff with every weekend, the girls that I always hangout, or guys. That's my group envy coming out.
I love spring. | | |
| So, my last entry was about how I wasn't sure about being at Alma, weird that it was almost two years ago.
I don't even know why I got on xanga, I haven't been in forever, trust me, I was surprised I could even remember how to log on to it. :)
But I need to be honest, leaving Alma was a mistake. It was a hidden blessing as well, I have met some wonderful people at Hope College, but they are nothing like the friends and sisters that I made at Alma. If I could find a way to get back there, I would. But I don't think that the Lord has that in his plans for me, sometimes that makes me mad. I could have gone back a year ago, it would have been like nothing changed. I would have been able to pick right back up where I left off, gotten a little, seen Alpha Xi Delta sisters and been with them all the time.
Then I read someone else's blog, and realized how much I miss someone in my life. Not necessarily the way we used to be, but our talks. How good it felt to have them with me. I want that from someone else. I want a relationship, a good, healthy relationship.
I need to go to camp. I need an Angela talk, and a cry. I want out.
I want happy back. I want Alma. I want to be home.
But, throughout all of that I am happy, happy to be alive, happy for the sunshine, and happy for my real friends.
I want to be grown up right now.
I should do this more, it is very therapeutic.
(I love spell check on Macs) <3 | | |
| so. xanga. that one word takes me back three years.
today I am in a very different place than I was when I started this "blog"...I suppose that I should be feeling accomplished, like I have succeeded in playing a game that is very impossible to win. College. Then, the real problem is, if going to college is winning, why do I feel like I am playing a losing game? I feel like too much is based on this one place, really it is just a more intense version of the game that was called high school. You have to play harder, faster and better. Here, there is no looking back. This is the real world now, and I don't know, still, if Alma is the right world for me to be playing this game. If I have to play, I don't think that I would want to be playing here...but it almost feels like it is too late. If you look at me here, you see:
a sorority girl (going back to my girly-roots)
a member of education club (looks good to be involved?)
mentor/tutor (good for my resume)
CRL worker (looks good to work on campus...holding down two jobs)
but what really is all of that? meaningless nothing. sometimes I wish that I had gotten out of Alma when I had the chance, but now I just feel very, very trapped. Trapped in my involvement and trapped by my need to not disappoint the others that are counting on me.
now what? after spring break I feel like I am meant to be somewhere else, that I am not doing what needs to be done here. People keep reminding me that scholarships like those at Alma don't ever come twice, but really, money cannot buy happiness...
and it sure hasn't bought mine recently. | | |
| Springtime its what i definately want. so if anyone could make that happen i would love them. all this snow is way to depressing... I was soooo excited that Alex came home this weekend. i also went shopping. it was sweet. updateddddd. | | |
| hmm.
christmas break was really fun. i had a ton of fun in Florida.
now i am just honestly ready to graduate and be done with it all.
i have a college visit on January 15. hopefully it will help me decide where i really want to go.
i just want them to give me money, so now it is kinda who will give me more money, i am not feeling all that wanted at central but alma is always calling and sending me more scholarship stuff.
yea so that was unnecessary but ok.
Less than 5 months. :) | | |
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